Relationships and Identity

             A minor but extremely interesting aspect of Ifemelu’s path to identity throughout Adichie’s Americanah is the differences and effects of her three major relationships. Some of the first details we learned about Ifemelu and Obinze’s relationship was that it was quick, intense, and happy. They first met while they were in high school, and Ifemelu’s friends described her as “a fine babe but she is too much trouble. She can argue. She can talk. She never agrees” to Obinze, but that is what sparked his interest (Adichie 73). They easily connected, found each other interesting, found each other’s interests enjoyable, and were downright obsessed with each other. However, Ifemelu felt inferior, as he was fascinated and very knowledgeable about America, in which Ifemelu was not. Despite this, Obinze was always extremely supportive and made an effort to reassure Ifemelu that she could overcome any of her doubts, especially in her journey in America. He reinforced that she should be herself and brave through these new experiences.

            A while after she and Obinze lost contact, Ifemelu found herself in a relationship with Curt. He was charming, rich, and immaturely childish. His spontaneity annoyed her much of the time, with his ideas to simply visit another country that weekend. There were countless moments where he was grossly unaware of the differences between his white privilege and Ifemelu’s immigrant challenges (Adichie 242). Curt sympathized with Ifemelu and her experiences as a Black woman, but he could never know what it is like. He had moments later on too, such as when he called a magazine “racially skewed” because it only portrayed Black women, which Ifemelu had to explain was necessary due to the mainstream magazine's lack of application to Black women (Adichie 365). Curt aided in helping Ifemelu get a good job that also provided American citizenship, but Ifemelu felt guilty because these things were not as easily handed to other immigrants (Adichie 249). Curt provided her with opportunities, but Ifemelu felt inferior in terms of her class. She thought she was given too much in that relationship that she did not work hard enough for, but also felt superior in terms of her maturity. Their relationship and the subsequent ignorance and differences inspired her to start her blog, where she could unapologetically express herself. 

            Ifemelu later reunited with Blaine and started a relationship with him. Blaine was an academic who led a very sophisticated life with his healthy habits, bold positions, and steadfast opinions. Ifemelu felt inferior here, specifically as though she was not intelligent enough, feeling “vaguely lost” when chatting with his friends (Adichie 388). Even when he was admiring her blog, he felt that she should explain and educate more, calling her lazy, when she simply only intended to observe (Adichie 386). She would even unpublish articles that he edited because they did not sound like her words. It seemed that Blaine taught her things she should care about but did not, and she saw herself as his student instead of his girlfriend. He talked down to her and made her feel less than, which is not at all part of Ifemelu’s bold and unapologetic personality. The differences in her relationships of dating a Nigeran man, a white man, and an African American man, sent her on a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that, in part, led her to define herself and shape her identity.