Gray Area

Over the course of the novel, one of the overarching questions that I found myself asking was this: Why is Ifemelu so quick to judge the women in her life that engage in extramarital relationships as the “other woman,” namely her Aunty Uju and her friend Ranyinudo, and why does Ifemelu allow herself to enter into a similar situation with Obinze?

I think the answer lies in her character’s maturity over the course of the novel. When Aunty Uju engages in the affair with the General, Ifemelu is a teenager, old enough to know right from wrong but too young to understand the complexities of adult relationships. Ifemelu condemns her aunt as “undignifed and irresponsible,” (80) and notes over the rest of her life the way that Dike’s birth and the General’s death changes Uju. Ifemelu views Uju’s relationship as the “beginning of the end” (84) and the start of Uju’s willingness to “settle” (118). She also derides women like Uche and Adesuwa, Aunty Uju’s “friends in quotes,” (82) who have profited from strategically dating married men in high places. Later in life, Ranyinudo engages in a similar affair with the businessman Don, something Ifemelu disparages as well. Perhaps influenced by her mother’s religious fervor or by an intrinsic sense of morality, Ifemelu condemns these women in her life as careless, reckless, or both, and she reiterates that they “deserve better” (424) than the insecurity of loving a married man. 

It is not until Ifemelu grows up and goes through her own romantic relationships rife with infidelities and dalliances that she gains a little perspective. With Obinze, it seems Ifemelu throws caution to the wind, especially after her return to Lagos. After holding him at arm’s length for so long, their romantic relationship is quickly rekindled. It is here that I think Ifemelu truly realizes what she meant in her blog post about “real deep romantic love” (296). The emotional turmoil she experiences with the married Obinze in Nigeria truly “twists” and “wrings” (296) at both of them, pushing them to their limits even as it solidifies their love. I think her willingness to engage in this kind of relationship, becoming the “other woman” to Kosi, lies in her experiences with past boyfriends wherein she learns that there is more to love and life than meets the eye. Obinze is even quick to point out this facet of Ifemelu’s character: he reminds her that to “grow up” means throwing off the snobbery of youth to face the harsher realities of life (433). 

It is undeniable that Ifemelu has to learn to “grow up” over the course of Americanah, and I think that character transformation is keenly visible in how she views the romantic relationships around her. Moving from a binary, black-and-white perspective to a more nuanced gray area over the course of her various romances, Ifemelu creates a space that allows for more complexity and inconsistency in life without diminishing the power of love within the human spirit.